Monday, 4 November 2013, 8:36 PM:
A lot has happened recently. I have to admit that the Lord has seen fit to compel me to be humble. Basically, my house was broken into a little under two weeks ago and the thief took just a few things: the computer, violin, viola, camera, and some other stuff. That is not what this blog entry is about though.
What I am interested in discussing is the fact that the Lord found a way for me to break my never-ending cycle of returning to my addiction as a system of comfort and rebellion. In fact, one of the first thoughts on my mind as the the police forensics were going through my house was that I was now free from the temptation of the computer for a season. I still had the Internet on my other devices, but the main temptation had been rooted out of my grasp suddenly and forcibly!
Well, I was able to keep going. I had been working and striving to be better, but with no real intent. I think I was going through the motions of pretending I was getting better, when really, I had secretly planned in my head that I was going to try to drop the addiction "step-by-step" by going a few days, then, a few more, etc. etc. I know addiction to lust is not a drop-cold-turkey kind of addiction, but neither was it worth continuing longer than necessary.
A couple years back, my bishop suggested a goal: be clean for two weeks in order to partake of the sacrament. It took, quite a long time until I actually adopted this goal as my actual goal. Once it was mine, I pretended to work it quite a bit. At the time, the longest I could go was three to five days, but never past five. I had given up for quite some time as well. Finally, once my priorities were set straight, I finally entered true recovery mode. That was six months ago. Meanwhile, I had still never partaken of the sacrament.
In church yesterday, my bishop asked me how everything was going. I told him that today was going to be the two-week mark. He immediately turned to me and quietly asked, "What do you think if I were to come by tomorrow and offer you the sacrament?" I replied, "I would like that, I would like that very much." He told me to call him when I got home and he would come home from work to my house.
Today, he came over. I offered a prayer. I provided some water and bread and a cloth. My girlfriend and I sang a hymn while the bishop broke the bread. The bishop blessed the bread, partook, and offered it to each of us. He blessed the water, partook, then offered to each of us. All of this he did while on his knees. When this was done, we talked for a bit and I went over some of the musings I have just mentioned. Finally, I asked him to re-dedicate my home. He did.
This was the first time in over three years I've partaken of the sacrament. With it comes the opportunity to have the Spirit with me always. It is a way in which I can re-dedicate myself to the Lord and covenant that I will always remember Him!
Partaking the sacrament no longer has to be distant memory. No longer do I have to pass the plate along without partaking. This is a new milestone.
Next steps: 1 month, 3 months, temple recommend, attend the temple! One step at a time. One day at a time. Only with the Lord's help.
