April 29, 2014; 8:39 pm:
I was pondering what to write tonight--somewhat to repent of my awful post from last week, and mostly as a way to progress along the process of recovery--when I began going through some of my old papers from my mission. In the pile, I discovered a copy of a talk by Cleon Skousen in 1980 called "The Atonement." One particular phrase caught my eye: "My honor is my power."
He gives an example of a bishop being called a good bishop only because the ward is functioning the way it is supposed to: the home teachers teach, the Sunday School teachers prepare excellent lessons, members of the ward are friendly, etc. The funny thing is this: he is supported because he has the support of others.
So what does that mean for me? I have been told many times that I am one of the best Sunday School teachers in the ward. Does that mean I make them more interesting? Does that mean I know more? Does that mean much of anything? Not really. Personally, I don't think I prepare half as well as I know how or should. A lesson I think is rather dull is exciting and invigorating to my class. I attribute most of it to The Spirit making up for what I can't do or say. But now, I consider this: I have successful lessons because I have the support of those who participate in my lessons.
So what does this all have to do with the addiction? I'm actually not quite sure yet, but I think it is something along the lines of this: I will have honor when I am clean. The honor of, or being successfully recovered from, an addiction comes from the solid belief and support from me towards the program(s) designed for overcoming it as well as support from others' belief that I can fully overcome!
There is probably more to it than that, but it is a fresh new thought. It is something I will have to ponder on more completely. If I am to find strength in recovery, I must support the programs I have adopted and be lauded by those who support me. It is an interesting thought. . . .
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Superficiality
April 22, 2014; 9:26 pm:
How superficial is this? I got to thinking about this online journal. I started thinking about the original intent versus the intent now. I started considering the audience and purpose. Then it occurred to me: the journal has morphed.
A journal should be used to log what goes on: thoughts, actions, progress, failure, etc. I do not do that. I write to be read. When I write to be read, I hold back. Perhaps, just maybe, I need to keep a separate journal too.
I think about Step 4 in making a fearless personal inventory of my life. I am not being very fearless about it if I hide most of my thoughts and feelings. I have a tendency to want to write positive things only. I want to inspire those who read my blog regularly to be uplifted and gain some strength. But this is not what a journal is for. It is what a blog is for, but not a journal.
Am I truly being real or trying to write the next best thing on pornography addiction so that I can get more readers? The truth of the matter is that the blog has become a chore to check off the list of things to do rather than help in opening my thoughts and sharing with like-minded, like-willed individuals for support. I know I want to continue to blog, but I'm not quite sure it is a journal anymore.
Seems this entry is a true journal entry. . . .
How superficial is this? I got to thinking about this online journal. I started thinking about the original intent versus the intent now. I started considering the audience and purpose. Then it occurred to me: the journal has morphed.
A journal should be used to log what goes on: thoughts, actions, progress, failure, etc. I do not do that. I write to be read. When I write to be read, I hold back. Perhaps, just maybe, I need to keep a separate journal too.
I think about Step 4 in making a fearless personal inventory of my life. I am not being very fearless about it if I hide most of my thoughts and feelings. I have a tendency to want to write positive things only. I want to inspire those who read my blog regularly to be uplifted and gain some strength. But this is not what a journal is for. It is what a blog is for, but not a journal.
Am I truly being real or trying to write the next best thing on pornography addiction so that I can get more readers? The truth of the matter is that the blog has become a chore to check off the list of things to do rather than help in opening my thoughts and sharing with like-minded, like-willed individuals for support. I know I want to continue to blog, but I'm not quite sure it is a journal anymore.
Seems this entry is a true journal entry. . . .
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Removing the Beast Inside
April 15, 2014; 7:34 pm:
Today I have decided to answer a question from the recovery manual. This one comes from Step 8 dealing with "breaking the cycle of bitterness and offense".
I have to quite agree with Joseph Smith in the fact that when I receive kindness, it encourages me to be kind. And when I am doled wickedness, it stirs feelings in me of anger, discontent, malice, and revenge. Where do I normally reside along the spectrum though?
I consider myself a rather easy-going individual. I don't seem to show too much emotion most of the time, but I do like to have a good time (even if my face doesn't seem to show it). I am someone who chooses to play gullibility just to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I also consider myself rather forgiving of others' mistakes as well.
But what happens when I get offended? I admit, that there is a monster hiding inside. He doesn't like to be fed at all. In fact, he'd rather hide out in his dark corner and be forgotten about. But, from time to time, he is given morsels to feed on. This only makes him more and more hungry. As he feeds, he grows. As he grows, he comes out of obscurity and into the light until his ugly face can be observed. His name is Spite.
I suppose everyone has an ugly side they would rather not have others see or even know about. I suppose most would try to hide him and ignore him. I have discovered that this only infuriates the beast.
Perhaps, with proper care, the dark corners themselves can be cleansed and the beast asked to vacate the premises. This can be done with little acts of kindness, service, and respect as well as faith in The Lord Jesus Christ to help with the cleansing.
I have a long way to go. I do not like feeding that monster and especially do not like letting him out. As I learn to be a more kind, caring individual, I too will be able to break away from bitterness and offense. Then I will have room to plant good things in the space inside!
Today I have decided to answer a question from the recovery manual. This one comes from Step 8 dealing with "breaking the cycle of bitterness and offense".
I have to quite agree with Joseph Smith in the fact that when I receive kindness, it encourages me to be kind. And when I am doled wickedness, it stirs feelings in me of anger, discontent, malice, and revenge. Where do I normally reside along the spectrum though?
I consider myself a rather easy-going individual. I don't seem to show too much emotion most of the time, but I do like to have a good time (even if my face doesn't seem to show it). I am someone who chooses to play gullibility just to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I also consider myself rather forgiving of others' mistakes as well.
But what happens when I get offended? I admit, that there is a monster hiding inside. He doesn't like to be fed at all. In fact, he'd rather hide out in his dark corner and be forgotten about. But, from time to time, he is given morsels to feed on. This only makes him more and more hungry. As he feeds, he grows. As he grows, he comes out of obscurity and into the light until his ugly face can be observed. His name is Spite.
I suppose everyone has an ugly side they would rather not have others see or even know about. I suppose most would try to hide him and ignore him. I have discovered that this only infuriates the beast.
Perhaps, with proper care, the dark corners themselves can be cleansed and the beast asked to vacate the premises. This can be done with little acts of kindness, service, and respect as well as faith in The Lord Jesus Christ to help with the cleansing.
I have a long way to go. I do not like feeding that monster and especially do not like letting him out. As I learn to be a more kind, caring individual, I too will be able to break away from bitterness and offense. Then I will have room to plant good things in the space inside!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Intentions
April 8, 2014; 4:03 pm:
So, after confessing to my girlfriend that I slipped again, I received a comment from her. It has been on my mind all day long. She said, "I know you don't intentionally slip and I am very grateful for all the progress you are making."
This really got me thinking about my situation and led to the following ramblings:
What do I intend to happen? Where do I intend to go? What do I intend to benefit? What do I intend the outcome to be? Who do I intend to associate with? When do I intend on moving on to the next step? What do I intend to learn?
These are questions that can be answered positively or negatively. They can be asked of the recovery or they can be asked of the addiction. What are my intentions?
When I am in the heat of the temptation, what are my intentions? I would think that at that time, my intentions are simple to be selfish, self-gratifying, and to never give up the sin. In the heat of recovery, I would say that I am planning for the future, drawing closer to The Lord, and wanting to be free.
I think this is part of what keeps me chained to this addiction in the first place. Do I actually intend to give it up and sever ties with it or do I intend to hide it, suppress it, and coddle it for the rest of my life? Am I actually recovering it or finding ways to justify it?
Any goal set for recovery is usually good and based on good, strong beliefs, practices, experiences, and patterns. But when those intentions are ignored what is there? I can't find anything. My mind actually draws a blank when I contemplate the purpose of participating in my addiction. It has no purpose. Selfish pleasure, loss of The Spirit, self-ostracization, and fantasy are the fruits. The only intention is to never change. I don't intend on doing anything else when giving in to the temptation.
Perhaps solid contemplation on the intent of what I am doing will help steer my in the direction I need to go to reach the next step of recovery. If I intend to do something, it usually gets done!
So, after confessing to my girlfriend that I slipped again, I received a comment from her. It has been on my mind all day long. She said, "I know you don't intentionally slip and I am very grateful for all the progress you are making."
This really got me thinking about my situation and led to the following ramblings:
What are my intentions?
What do I intend to happen? Where do I intend to go? What do I intend to benefit? What do I intend the outcome to be? Who do I intend to associate with? When do I intend on moving on to the next step? What do I intend to learn?
These are questions that can be answered positively or negatively. They can be asked of the recovery or they can be asked of the addiction. What are my intentions?
When I am in the heat of the temptation, what are my intentions? I would think that at that time, my intentions are simple to be selfish, self-gratifying, and to never give up the sin. In the heat of recovery, I would say that I am planning for the future, drawing closer to The Lord, and wanting to be free.
I think this is part of what keeps me chained to this addiction in the first place. Do I actually intend to give it up and sever ties with it or do I intend to hide it, suppress it, and coddle it for the rest of my life? Am I actually recovering it or finding ways to justify it?
Any goal set for recovery is usually good and based on good, strong beliefs, practices, experiences, and patterns. But when those intentions are ignored what is there? I can't find anything. My mind actually draws a blank when I contemplate the purpose of participating in my addiction. It has no purpose. Selfish pleasure, loss of The Spirit, self-ostracization, and fantasy are the fruits. The only intention is to never change. I don't intend on doing anything else when giving in to the temptation.
Perhaps solid contemplation on the intent of what I am doing will help steer my in the direction I need to go to reach the next step of recovery. If I intend to do something, it usually gets done!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Recovery Humility
April 1, 2014; 7:01 pm:
I was reading in the recovery manual and discovered a question relating to humility. I found this kind of coincidental, ironic, or inspired for that matter due to my girlfriend choosing a talk on humility for yesterday's Family Home Evening. I guess I was destined to write about it.
Concerning sexual addiction, in my opinion, there are several levels of humility: (1) humility of admittance, (2) humility of abstinence, (3) humility of repentance, (4) humility of thought, and finally (5) humility of recovery. I know several of these more or less correspond with other writings, plans, etc., but this is my list of what goes on in my head as to my own scale of how I'm doing.
I would say to be humble is to be compliant, honest, and willing to change or be submissive to that which is right even if it is not easy. Each level in my list above is what happens each time I slip and begin the process of soberness.
The first level is the humility of admittance. Admitting there is a problem is only one aspect of admittance. This one also covers lies, covering sins, justification of "just a little bit", and refusal to ask for help. I find this to be the most difficult step in humility as it involves me talking with someone else about the problem.
The second level is humility in abstinence. This level includes switching from white-knuckling to actually desiring to change. I find it too easy to find pride in myself in being clean. There is more to soberness than avoiding the problem: there is the desire to do what is right in the first place. This level of humility requires that the motivation behind the action is Christ-centered.
The third level is all about repentance. True repentance is more than over-coming the sin. It requires asking forgiveness from The Lord, those I've hurt, and myself. Then, it requires actual work to fix those things I've done wrong. Without humility, I would not be able to accomplish this step. It is a life-long process and requires Christ to do. It very often overlaps the other levels.
The fourth level is all about honesty in thought. Thoughts can be a dangerous place to visit. I can recall any image I want whenever and wherever I want. But there is more to it: I need to make sure I keep my eyes focused as well. A quick double-take look at a pretty girl or slightly entertaining the idea of indulgence is enough to set off a chain reaction of failure. If I can honestly sit down at night and admit to myself that I have honesty striven to keep my thoughts and actions clean, then I know I am exercising humility in thought.
The final level is humility in recovery. Overcoming an addiction is not only soberness. I would say I am not fully sober when I am thinking of my addiction and the problems it has caused. I have to honestly put faith in The Lord that He will help me overcome future situations and even steer me away from compromising situations. Recovery is clear when I realize I have been presented with a situation and did not even consider indulgence. Humility in that situation only comes from realizing that it was The Lord who gave me that strength and that I did not develop that on my own.
As I strive for more humility, I hope and pray that someday I will reach that highest level of humility and free myself from the chains of addiction.
I was reading in the recovery manual and discovered a question relating to humility. I found this kind of coincidental, ironic, or inspired for that matter due to my girlfriend choosing a talk on humility for yesterday's Family Home Evening. I guess I was destined to write about it.
Concerning sexual addiction, in my opinion, there are several levels of humility: (1) humility of admittance, (2) humility of abstinence, (3) humility of repentance, (4) humility of thought, and finally (5) humility of recovery. I know several of these more or less correspond with other writings, plans, etc., but this is my list of what goes on in my head as to my own scale of how I'm doing.
I would say to be humble is to be compliant, honest, and willing to change or be submissive to that which is right even if it is not easy. Each level in my list above is what happens each time I slip and begin the process of soberness.
The first level is the humility of admittance. Admitting there is a problem is only one aspect of admittance. This one also covers lies, covering sins, justification of "just a little bit", and refusal to ask for help. I find this to be the most difficult step in humility as it involves me talking with someone else about the problem.
The second level is humility in abstinence. This level includes switching from white-knuckling to actually desiring to change. I find it too easy to find pride in myself in being clean. There is more to soberness than avoiding the problem: there is the desire to do what is right in the first place. This level of humility requires that the motivation behind the action is Christ-centered.
The third level is all about repentance. True repentance is more than over-coming the sin. It requires asking forgiveness from The Lord, those I've hurt, and myself. Then, it requires actual work to fix those things I've done wrong. Without humility, I would not be able to accomplish this step. It is a life-long process and requires Christ to do. It very often overlaps the other levels.
The fourth level is all about honesty in thought. Thoughts can be a dangerous place to visit. I can recall any image I want whenever and wherever I want. But there is more to it: I need to make sure I keep my eyes focused as well. A quick double-take look at a pretty girl or slightly entertaining the idea of indulgence is enough to set off a chain reaction of failure. If I can honestly sit down at night and admit to myself that I have honesty striven to keep my thoughts and actions clean, then I know I am exercising humility in thought.
The final level is humility in recovery. Overcoming an addiction is not only soberness. I would say I am not fully sober when I am thinking of my addiction and the problems it has caused. I have to honestly put faith in The Lord that He will help me overcome future situations and even steer me away from compromising situations. Recovery is clear when I realize I have been presented with a situation and did not even consider indulgence. Humility in that situation only comes from realizing that it was The Lord who gave me that strength and that I did not develop that on my own.
As I strive for more humility, I hope and pray that someday I will reach that highest level of humility and free myself from the chains of addiction.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
In the Moment
March 25, 2014; 8:16 pm:
So I have been feeling very stagnant lately and have not been putting much effort into the actual steps of recovery. I'm guessing that the two go together. So, I opened up the addiction recovery manual and found an interesting question: "How strong is your willingness to yield your heart to God instead of yielding to the addiction in the moment of temptation?"
This is an interesting thought I think I might like to ponder more carefully. It seems that the only slips I have had lately in my soberness have come from these spur-of-the-moment happenings. I have not been purposely seeking out any manner of giving in to the temptations and have removed almost anything that will let it in, so far as is reasonable and practical. However, I find myself not able to put in that one bit of extra effort required in order to overcome these temptations.
Perhaps something comes on TV. Am I able to change the channel? Usually. The problem is that I do not call anyone and tell them that I need someone to talk to in order to overcome the thoughts that have entered into my mind from it.
Perhaps something appears in a game advertisement. Am I able not to look. Usually. The problem is, I take note of how I found the add and leave a calling card as how to return to it.
Perhaps I spy a beautiful daughter of God who has dressed immodestly. Can I look away? Usually. The problem is that I do not always have a prayer in my heart to not dwell on it all day long and allow it to seep into my mind deeper and deeper until it becomes an obsession.
Am I willing to allow myself to turn to God instead of yield to the addiction of the moment? Usually. But I have not been trying hard enough. I have not been praying in the moment. I have not been calling for the support and advice from others in the moment. I have not pulled out my scriptures, sung a hymn, or stared at the myriad of pictures of temples around my house in the moment. I am getting caught up in the moment and using it as an excuse to linger.
I must not linger.
As I learn to call on The Lord and others as these temptations come, it will be easier and easier to avoid them in the future. I know it will. Perhaps this will also eliminate much of the stagnation I have felt as a result of it.
So I have been feeling very stagnant lately and have not been putting much effort into the actual steps of recovery. I'm guessing that the two go together. So, I opened up the addiction recovery manual and found an interesting question: "How strong is your willingness to yield your heart to God instead of yielding to the addiction in the moment of temptation?"
This is an interesting thought I think I might like to ponder more carefully. It seems that the only slips I have had lately in my soberness have come from these spur-of-the-moment happenings. I have not been purposely seeking out any manner of giving in to the temptations and have removed almost anything that will let it in, so far as is reasonable and practical. However, I find myself not able to put in that one bit of extra effort required in order to overcome these temptations.
Perhaps something comes on TV. Am I able to change the channel? Usually. The problem is that I do not call anyone and tell them that I need someone to talk to in order to overcome the thoughts that have entered into my mind from it.
Perhaps something appears in a game advertisement. Am I able not to look. Usually. The problem is, I take note of how I found the add and leave a calling card as how to return to it.
Perhaps I spy a beautiful daughter of God who has dressed immodestly. Can I look away? Usually. The problem is that I do not always have a prayer in my heart to not dwell on it all day long and allow it to seep into my mind deeper and deeper until it becomes an obsession.
Am I willing to allow myself to turn to God instead of yield to the addiction of the moment? Usually. But I have not been trying hard enough. I have not been praying in the moment. I have not been calling for the support and advice from others in the moment. I have not pulled out my scriptures, sung a hymn, or stared at the myriad of pictures of temples around my house in the moment. I am getting caught up in the moment and using it as an excuse to linger.
I must not linger.
As I learn to call on The Lord and others as these temptations come, it will be easier and easier to avoid them in the future. I know it will. Perhaps this will also eliminate much of the stagnation I have felt as a result of it.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Three Dreams
March 15, 2014; 5:55 AM:
I had three dreams last night. Two were about the addiction. One was about self-worth and character.
In the first dream, I found myself 15 years younger with my next older brother who was younger also, except that we already had the life experiences we now have. I remember being extremely open about the addiction with my brother, as we both have this addiction. In the dream, I remembered real-life history that he has been divorced and re-married. I asked him, in the dream, what he thought about specific situations within the addiction and the recovery program; whether or not he had done certain things and what he thought about overcoming them. I would then respond with what I thought and had done.
What caught me off guard was how brief his answers were and how he seemed to have no feeling. He wasn't disinterested in the conversation, but he seemed to brush off each question as though they were conquered and he didn't have to talk about them anymore. My replies were specific and I remember feeling peace as I answered them, that I had overcome specific portions of the addiction and was on the right path. I remember worrying that he was sober, but not recovered and worried that I would not be the same way. The dream ended with me telling him: "I have a rule, that no matter who it is I will marry in the future, before we get married, I will tell her about my addiction. If I don't, then I am not being honest with her." I remember seeing my brother's face in shock and concern for his own situation, then the dream closed.
---
The second dream was much shorter. In this dream, I was older, but still with my brother. This one took place in my girlfriend's grandparents' home. Apparently, the entire family new of my addiction and it was decided by my girlfriend's grandmother and myself that my brother and I go for a drive with her grandfather. He asked us where we should go. I replied, "Anywhere at least 15 minutes away where we can talk." He drove us to a place in front of a retirement trailer park and told us the importance of being clean. He referred to talks by general authorities of the church and explained that it was one of the biggest problems we had in society today. Again, I felt peace thinking about what he said and my responses were true and with conviction. The conversation ended and the youth from the ward came to the car and started to talk with us. I remember that they had a lot of respect for me and loved me. Then this dream closed.
---
The third dream was a little different. I was in the military with two others who were my friends (nobody I knew in real life). Apparently, we had received information that somehow we already knew a little of the future of our Recruiting Sergeant. We knew that he was a harsh leader, but fair and demanding and otherwise a really nice guy. It was our responsibility to join his platoon and watch out for him since we knew he was going to die soon from a heart attack, right before giving out cookies (this is important later). I therefore joined up and was somehow a higher rank than others as I had some privileges the other soldiers did not and I always was first in line.
The Sergeant regularly inspected our packs and organization skills. The dream ran through three or four of these in a row. I was eventually caught stashing some extra snack food in my pack, but he only had me throw it out and no more. He explained that if I was to be in charge of a group of soldiers I had to set the example.
The time eventually came that he started showing signs of the heart attack. I ran and grabbed the other guys who knew it was going to happen and we joined our Sergeant in a supply room. We asked him what we should do. He told us to go ahead and take our share of the fresh chocolate chip cookies from the table on the other side of the room. We thought it strange this was his request when he told us one more piece of instruction: we were allowed to take as many cookies as we wanted so long as we had issues we had to overcome and stated what they were. We were to have anyone who took them do the same. However, we were not allowed to eat them, we had to give them to someone else. I immediately picked one up and said, "Well, I can take one right now. I have flat feet." I took a cookie and gave it to my Sergeant. He smiled exhaustively. Immediately, I thought of other issues I had, especially concerning my addictions and how many cookies I should take and give away. I felt a great peace once again. This is where the third dream ended.
I had three dreams last night. Two were about the addiction. One was about self-worth and character.
In the first dream, I found myself 15 years younger with my next older brother who was younger also, except that we already had the life experiences we now have. I remember being extremely open about the addiction with my brother, as we both have this addiction. In the dream, I remembered real-life history that he has been divorced and re-married. I asked him, in the dream, what he thought about specific situations within the addiction and the recovery program; whether or not he had done certain things and what he thought about overcoming them. I would then respond with what I thought and had done.
What caught me off guard was how brief his answers were and how he seemed to have no feeling. He wasn't disinterested in the conversation, but he seemed to brush off each question as though they were conquered and he didn't have to talk about them anymore. My replies were specific and I remember feeling peace as I answered them, that I had overcome specific portions of the addiction and was on the right path. I remember worrying that he was sober, but not recovered and worried that I would not be the same way. The dream ended with me telling him: "I have a rule, that no matter who it is I will marry in the future, before we get married, I will tell her about my addiction. If I don't, then I am not being honest with her." I remember seeing my brother's face in shock and concern for his own situation, then the dream closed.
---
The second dream was much shorter. In this dream, I was older, but still with my brother. This one took place in my girlfriend's grandparents' home. Apparently, the entire family new of my addiction and it was decided by my girlfriend's grandmother and myself that my brother and I go for a drive with her grandfather. He asked us where we should go. I replied, "Anywhere at least 15 minutes away where we can talk." He drove us to a place in front of a retirement trailer park and told us the importance of being clean. He referred to talks by general authorities of the church and explained that it was one of the biggest problems we had in society today. Again, I felt peace thinking about what he said and my responses were true and with conviction. The conversation ended and the youth from the ward came to the car and started to talk with us. I remember that they had a lot of respect for me and loved me. Then this dream closed.
---
The third dream was a little different. I was in the military with two others who were my friends (nobody I knew in real life). Apparently, we had received information that somehow we already knew a little of the future of our Recruiting Sergeant. We knew that he was a harsh leader, but fair and demanding and otherwise a really nice guy. It was our responsibility to join his platoon and watch out for him since we knew he was going to die soon from a heart attack, right before giving out cookies (this is important later). I therefore joined up and was somehow a higher rank than others as I had some privileges the other soldiers did not and I always was first in line.
The Sergeant regularly inspected our packs and organization skills. The dream ran through three or four of these in a row. I was eventually caught stashing some extra snack food in my pack, but he only had me throw it out and no more. He explained that if I was to be in charge of a group of soldiers I had to set the example.
The time eventually came that he started showing signs of the heart attack. I ran and grabbed the other guys who knew it was going to happen and we joined our Sergeant in a supply room. We asked him what we should do. He told us to go ahead and take our share of the fresh chocolate chip cookies from the table on the other side of the room. We thought it strange this was his request when he told us one more piece of instruction: we were allowed to take as many cookies as we wanted so long as we had issues we had to overcome and stated what they were. We were to have anyone who took them do the same. However, we were not allowed to eat them, we had to give them to someone else. I immediately picked one up and said, "Well, I can take one right now. I have flat feet." I took a cookie and gave it to my Sergeant. He smiled exhaustively. Immediately, I thought of other issues I had, especially concerning my addictions and how many cookies I should take and give away. I felt a great peace once again. This is where the third dream ended.
-------
I have thoughts as to these dreams. I am not so sure that they are inspired, but I do not think that they are uninspired either. The feelings of peace and concern for others buoyed me up to work harder but also gave me thoughts that perhaps I am doing better than I thought. The first thoughts I had after awaking from this dream were (1) that I should not worry about the addiction and trust The Lord and (2) that I should immediately write these dreams down -- specifically on this blog -- before I forget them. I really like the cookie idea. I might like to do that activity someday.
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