Tuesday, June 3, 2014; 7:09 pm:
"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
--D&C 88:63.
I wonder sometimes how I am doing with this particular principle of the gospel (as well as this portion of Step 11 in the recovery program). How well have I drawn near to The Lord? Am I distancing myself from him on purpose or drawing only as close as I like instead of where I should be?
These are questions which need to be asked in order to know how I am doing with my own personal progression along life's paths. On a day-to-day basic, however, it is essential to first of all make sure I have a constant prayer in my heart for protection and guidance in all I do. I have to ask. The second most important thing I need is to make sure I am listening. Without the guidance of the Holy Ghost, I do not stand a chance against many of the fiery darts which come my way.
I have learned over time that The Lord will always reach out to help me. Most of the time, I just have to be smart enough to reach back and accept the help.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
No Cavities!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014; 6:58 pm:
Recently I went to the dentist for the first time in (cough, cough) 13 years. Why did I not go? Well, there were a couple factors I suppose. The first reason was that one of the things I hate more than most is anything metal scraping on my teeth. The second reason for not going was the money; let's face it, dentists are expensive sometimes and I needed my wisdom teeth extracted still. The main reason, however, was me worrying that I was going to come out with a mouth made of metal from all the cavities I would have since I had such horrible dental hygiene habits. I was so sure I had cavities. I did not like the concept of drilling, prodding, poking, filling, and then having to go the rest of my life worrying about biting something wrong and breaking it out.
Well, I finally decided that enough was enough and I had to go. My girlfriend came along for moral support (okay, so she set up the appointments, rushed from work, and drove me there. . .she did all the work, I was being a little kid!). The very first thing they did was the X-ray. I bit onto the uncomfortable machine as it whizzed around my head. Then I was led to the chair to await the results. The nurse/dentist/someone brought it in and placed it on the screen. Yes, I had the expected impacted wisdom tooth, and the top two were over-extended, but I found out I never had a bottom right wisdom tooth and. . . No Cavities! There were no cavities! The whole reason I was so worried about going in the first place did not even matter! I was worried about going to the dentist so badly because of something that didn't even exist!
This is how life goes I think. I look at my life, especially with the addiction and mope and complain constantly about how horrible I am and how many problems I have. Sometimes I forget how The Lord is willing to forgive all sins when I repent! Why am I so unwilling to ask for His help? As it sometimes turns out, there really is nothing to worry about!
It's time to have that spiritual X-ray and get it over with. No more lamenting that which doesn't exist! No cavities!
Recently I went to the dentist for the first time in (cough, cough) 13 years. Why did I not go? Well, there were a couple factors I suppose. The first reason was that one of the things I hate more than most is anything metal scraping on my teeth. The second reason for not going was the money; let's face it, dentists are expensive sometimes and I needed my wisdom teeth extracted still. The main reason, however, was me worrying that I was going to come out with a mouth made of metal from all the cavities I would have since I had such horrible dental hygiene habits. I was so sure I had cavities. I did not like the concept of drilling, prodding, poking, filling, and then having to go the rest of my life worrying about biting something wrong and breaking it out.
Well, I finally decided that enough was enough and I had to go. My girlfriend came along for moral support (okay, so she set up the appointments, rushed from work, and drove me there. . .she did all the work, I was being a little kid!). The very first thing they did was the X-ray. I bit onto the uncomfortable machine as it whizzed around my head. Then I was led to the chair to await the results. The nurse/dentist/someone brought it in and placed it on the screen. Yes, I had the expected impacted wisdom tooth, and the top two were over-extended, but I found out I never had a bottom right wisdom tooth and. . . No Cavities! There were no cavities! The whole reason I was so worried about going in the first place did not even matter! I was worried about going to the dentist so badly because of something that didn't even exist!
This is how life goes I think. I look at my life, especially with the addiction and mope and complain constantly about how horrible I am and how many problems I have. Sometimes I forget how The Lord is willing to forgive all sins when I repent! Why am I so unwilling to ask for His help? As it sometimes turns out, there really is nothing to worry about!
It's time to have that spiritual X-ray and get it over with. No more lamenting that which doesn't exist! No cavities!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Repent Early
May 20, 2014; 4:52 pm:
I had an interesting thought come to my mind concerning Step 9 in the Addiction Recovery Program some time ago. In Step 9, it asks you to go out and reconcile yourself of all past offenses (of any sort). Though I have not fully made it to that particular step yet in my workings, I have nonetheless made a reasonable effort to think on it.
My thoughts brought me to this: prevent the list from getting longer! I came to the conclusion that just because I wasn't on a particular step in the program did not mean that I didn't have to work on it. What I do now is ask for forgiveness for things I do to others right away. I find it a much easier task to take care of it immediately rather than to wait until I reach that step in the program. And since I teach school, it will take me a long time to search down people in the community and former students!
I also find it reasonable to ask others for forgiveness when the situation presents itself at this time. So long as I can do it, I should do it. There is no reason to put off asking for others to forgive.
I had an interesting thought come to my mind concerning Step 9 in the Addiction Recovery Program some time ago. In Step 9, it asks you to go out and reconcile yourself of all past offenses (of any sort). Though I have not fully made it to that particular step yet in my workings, I have nonetheless made a reasonable effort to think on it.
My thoughts brought me to this: prevent the list from getting longer! I came to the conclusion that just because I wasn't on a particular step in the program did not mean that I didn't have to work on it. What I do now is ask for forgiveness for things I do to others right away. I find it a much easier task to take care of it immediately rather than to wait until I reach that step in the program. And since I teach school, it will take me a long time to search down people in the community and former students!
I also find it reasonable to ask others for forgiveness when the situation presents itself at this time. So long as I can do it, I should do it. There is no reason to put off asking for others to forgive.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Frontlets
May 15, 2014; 9:28 am:
In the Sunday School lesson I taught last week, I mentioned that the Israelites were to wear scripture in their hands, on their heads, and on door and fence posts. This was to remind them regularly of The Lord. It is important, therefore, to have similar actions today.
In my home there are plenty of temple pictures in every room. I took the counsel from a previous General Conference to have my missionary tag out. I have put up the family proclamation and a picture of The Savior as well. The constant reminders around my house are used to remind me of my duty to make sure that I am doing what I am supposed to do.
Of course, the wearing of the ceremonial scriptures is a good reminder as well. Do I always have The Lord on my mind and am keeping my thoughts clean? Am I paying attention to everything that I do and making sure that I am doing what is right in The Lord's eyes? Do I leave the house with good intent?
These are points to ponder in daily life: a way of living righteously so that temptation does not set in and I give in the ". . .other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about. . ." (Deuteronomy 6:14).
In the Sunday School lesson I taught last week, I mentioned that the Israelites were to wear scripture in their hands, on their heads, and on door and fence posts. This was to remind them regularly of The Lord. It is important, therefore, to have similar actions today.
In my home there are plenty of temple pictures in every room. I took the counsel from a previous General Conference to have my missionary tag out. I have put up the family proclamation and a picture of The Savior as well. The constant reminders around my house are used to remind me of my duty to make sure that I am doing what I am supposed to do.
Of course, the wearing of the ceremonial scriptures is a good reminder as well. Do I always have The Lord on my mind and am keeping my thoughts clean? Am I paying attention to everything that I do and making sure that I am doing what is right in The Lord's eyes? Do I leave the house with good intent?
These are points to ponder in daily life: a way of living righteously so that temptation does not set in and I give in the ". . .other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about. . ." (Deuteronomy 6:14).
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Lord's "Hidden" Hand In Recovery
May 7, 2014; 6:12 pm:
I have discovered something about being sober: I notice The Lord's hand in a lot more that I do. What happens when I am not sober is that I am blind to the help that is offered and given to me by others. I will miss out on the kind words given to me. I loose sight of the accolades that are presented to me. I forget to be thankful for the little, kind deeds that people do for me on a daily basis. I will be so caught up in my own little world of recovery, that I forget that I have to be thankful and notice the world around me. Most of all: I need to make sure I recognize what The Lord is doing for me!
One of the nightmares of a man who is addicted to lust is when girls present themselves with newest fashions is short, low, tight, translucent, and/or otherwise revealing clothing. It is truly very difficult to look away. These are those situations where I have to decide, "Am I going to look or not? Nobody will see me do it. Nobody will know." And then the worst of the rationalization sets in: "The girl dressed that way on their own. I am simply enjoying the pleasures of modern society!" Who am I kidding? Nobody by myself. The Lord knows the intents of the heart. If I accidentally see something, I can write it off as temptation. If I peer into the situation. . . .well, that is a whole other story altogether.
Well, recently I have been doing fairly well with my soberness and found myself recently in the above-mentioned situation. It happened three times within ten minutes (Curse those short skirts above the knee!) Well, asluck, chance, fate, providence would have it. . .people sat down and prevented my viewing! Happy day! The Lord came through. All that praying and longing for support from The Lord is worth it! It is so amazing that I am able to come out clean without adding one more situation to be logged into my memory bank haunting me to give in to the temptation for lust!
I only know that had I not been watching for The Lord's hand in it all, I would have never noticed. I thanked The Lord for all he does to help in my recovery. He not only paid for sins, but regularly helps us all in our struggles along the road to recovery. When He helps us, He does not always tell us. I believe He wants us to figure it out on our own, then acknowledge His presence. It only makes sense. How else do I expect to more fully trust in God?
I have discovered something about being sober: I notice The Lord's hand in a lot more that I do. What happens when I am not sober is that I am blind to the help that is offered and given to me by others. I will miss out on the kind words given to me. I loose sight of the accolades that are presented to me. I forget to be thankful for the little, kind deeds that people do for me on a daily basis. I will be so caught up in my own little world of recovery, that I forget that I have to be thankful and notice the world around me. Most of all: I need to make sure I recognize what The Lord is doing for me!
One of the nightmares of a man who is addicted to lust is when girls present themselves with newest fashions is short, low, tight, translucent, and/or otherwise revealing clothing. It is truly very difficult to look away. These are those situations where I have to decide, "Am I going to look or not? Nobody will see me do it. Nobody will know." And then the worst of the rationalization sets in: "The girl dressed that way on their own. I am simply enjoying the pleasures of modern society!" Who am I kidding? Nobody by myself. The Lord knows the intents of the heart. If I accidentally see something, I can write it off as temptation. If I peer into the situation. . . .well, that is a whole other story altogether.
Well, recently I have been doing fairly well with my soberness and found myself recently in the above-mentioned situation. It happened three times within ten minutes (Curse those short skirts above the knee!) Well, as
I only know that had I not been watching for The Lord's hand in it all, I would have never noticed. I thanked The Lord for all he does to help in my recovery. He not only paid for sins, but regularly helps us all in our struggles along the road to recovery. When He helps us, He does not always tell us. I believe He wants us to figure it out on our own, then acknowledge His presence. It only makes sense. How else do I expect to more fully trust in God?
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Honor is Power
April 29, 2014; 8:39 pm:
I was pondering what to write tonight--somewhat to repent of my awful post from last week, and mostly as a way to progress along the process of recovery--when I began going through some of my old papers from my mission. In the pile, I discovered a copy of a talk by Cleon Skousen in 1980 called "The Atonement." One particular phrase caught my eye: "My honor is my power."
He gives an example of a bishop being called a good bishop only because the ward is functioning the way it is supposed to: the home teachers teach, the Sunday School teachers prepare excellent lessons, members of the ward are friendly, etc. The funny thing is this: he is supported because he has the support of others.
So what does that mean for me? I have been told many times that I am one of the best Sunday School teachers in the ward. Does that mean I make them more interesting? Does that mean I know more? Does that mean much of anything? Not really. Personally, I don't think I prepare half as well as I know how or should. A lesson I think is rather dull is exciting and invigorating to my class. I attribute most of it to The Spirit making up for what I can't do or say. But now, I consider this: I have successful lessons because I have the support of those who participate in my lessons.
So what does this all have to do with the addiction? I'm actually not quite sure yet, but I think it is something along the lines of this: I will have honor when I am clean. The honor of, or being successfully recovered from, an addiction comes from the solid belief and support from me towards the program(s) designed for overcoming it as well as support from others' belief that I can fully overcome!
There is probably more to it than that, but it is a fresh new thought. It is something I will have to ponder on more completely. If I am to find strength in recovery, I must support the programs I have adopted and be lauded by those who support me. It is an interesting thought. . . .
I was pondering what to write tonight--somewhat to repent of my awful post from last week, and mostly as a way to progress along the process of recovery--when I began going through some of my old papers from my mission. In the pile, I discovered a copy of a talk by Cleon Skousen in 1980 called "The Atonement." One particular phrase caught my eye: "My honor is my power."
He gives an example of a bishop being called a good bishop only because the ward is functioning the way it is supposed to: the home teachers teach, the Sunday School teachers prepare excellent lessons, members of the ward are friendly, etc. The funny thing is this: he is supported because he has the support of others.
So what does that mean for me? I have been told many times that I am one of the best Sunday School teachers in the ward. Does that mean I make them more interesting? Does that mean I know more? Does that mean much of anything? Not really. Personally, I don't think I prepare half as well as I know how or should. A lesson I think is rather dull is exciting and invigorating to my class. I attribute most of it to The Spirit making up for what I can't do or say. But now, I consider this: I have successful lessons because I have the support of those who participate in my lessons.
So what does this all have to do with the addiction? I'm actually not quite sure yet, but I think it is something along the lines of this: I will have honor when I am clean. The honor of, or being successfully recovered from, an addiction comes from the solid belief and support from me towards the program(s) designed for overcoming it as well as support from others' belief that I can fully overcome!
There is probably more to it than that, but it is a fresh new thought. It is something I will have to ponder on more completely. If I am to find strength in recovery, I must support the programs I have adopted and be lauded by those who support me. It is an interesting thought. . . .
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Superficiality
April 22, 2014; 9:26 pm:
How superficial is this? I got to thinking about this online journal. I started thinking about the original intent versus the intent now. I started considering the audience and purpose. Then it occurred to me: the journal has morphed.
A journal should be used to log what goes on: thoughts, actions, progress, failure, etc. I do not do that. I write to be read. When I write to be read, I hold back. Perhaps, just maybe, I need to keep a separate journal too.
I think about Step 4 in making a fearless personal inventory of my life. I am not being very fearless about it if I hide most of my thoughts and feelings. I have a tendency to want to write positive things only. I want to inspire those who read my blog regularly to be uplifted and gain some strength. But this is not what a journal is for. It is what a blog is for, but not a journal.
Am I truly being real or trying to write the next best thing on pornography addiction so that I can get more readers? The truth of the matter is that the blog has become a chore to check off the list of things to do rather than help in opening my thoughts and sharing with like-minded, like-willed individuals for support. I know I want to continue to blog, but I'm not quite sure it is a journal anymore.
Seems this entry is a true journal entry. . . .
How superficial is this? I got to thinking about this online journal. I started thinking about the original intent versus the intent now. I started considering the audience and purpose. Then it occurred to me: the journal has morphed.
A journal should be used to log what goes on: thoughts, actions, progress, failure, etc. I do not do that. I write to be read. When I write to be read, I hold back. Perhaps, just maybe, I need to keep a separate journal too.
I think about Step 4 in making a fearless personal inventory of my life. I am not being very fearless about it if I hide most of my thoughts and feelings. I have a tendency to want to write positive things only. I want to inspire those who read my blog regularly to be uplifted and gain some strength. But this is not what a journal is for. It is what a blog is for, but not a journal.
Am I truly being real or trying to write the next best thing on pornography addiction so that I can get more readers? The truth of the matter is that the blog has become a chore to check off the list of things to do rather than help in opening my thoughts and sharing with like-minded, like-willed individuals for support. I know I want to continue to blog, but I'm not quite sure it is a journal anymore.
Seems this entry is a true journal entry. . . .
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