Keep At It

February 2, 1014; 9:01 pm:

I really did not want to blog tonight, but then decided that I had to. It had to be done even if all I did was get on here to say that I did it. Well, I have. But while I am here, I may as well write too....

I noticed that my last post seemed to have good feedback and it got me thinking about what I am doing here. I blog as a way to get my mind off the addiction while simultaneously writing about it. I have to admit: I did not want to write today. I'll tell you why. I did not want to write because I was being tempted. It's an interesting thing to consider. Now that I have decided that I must write in the blog weekly (and am lovingly prodded to do so by my girlfriend), it has been a whole new temptation not to. This is something I was not expecting.

To be frank, I have been getting more varied temptation lately. I feel some urgency to avoid it at all costs, but the flavor of the temptation in my mind is so rich, that it has been a struggle. So long as I keep at it, I will become stronger. As I become stronger, I will have a greater desire to write and will know exactly what I need to write.

Today a scripture, 2 Nephi 32:8-9:

 8 And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

 9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

 This particular scripture enters my mind regularly. I adapt it to my situation daily. The Spirit teaches a man to pray. He also teaches a man to read his scriptures, go to bed on time, stay away from temptation triggers, and spend time working on recovery steps. The evil spirit will teach a man to avoid all of these and to indulge in fantasies. I need to learn to recognize more fully when the Spirit is teaching me that I need to get on my blog and consider my recovery versus me not wanting to get on solely because I want to go to bed. Practice and patience will be key in my journey.