It is really hard to get up the gumption to want to work again. I have extreme apathy. I have had the following thought on my mind:
"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the Gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the Gospel." --Boyd K. Packer
I have thought long and hard about this quote. It runs through my mind regularly. It is what has given me my strength to press forward this round.
Unfortunately, I think I have been using it as an excuse to not work the steps.
I find myself justifying avoiding step-work due to the idea of "preoccupation with unworthy behavior." However, this is backward-thinking. The step-work was designed to bring me to repentance and draw me closer to Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. It was never intended to make me think about my sins too much. Step 4 might make one wonder how you can generate a complete moral inventory of oneself without preoccupying the mind on it, but this is only a brief time of being completely honest with The Lord. This is all part of turning my will over to The Lord.
No more excuses. It's time to move on. I must persevere in step-work and be willing to do all I can to draw closer to The Lord and accept His great sacrifice in my behalf in order to overcome my greatest stumbling block: addiction to lust.
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