I had three dreams last night. Two were about the addiction. One was about self-worth and character.
In the first dream, I found myself 15 years younger with my next older brother who was younger also, except that we already had the life experiences we now have. I remember being extremely open about the addiction with my brother, as we both have this addiction. In the dream, I remembered real-life history that he has been divorced and re-married. I asked him, in the dream, what he thought about specific situations within the addiction and the recovery program; whether or not he had done certain things and what he thought about overcoming them. I would then respond with what I thought and had done.
What caught me off guard was how brief his answers were and how he seemed to have no feeling. He wasn't disinterested in the conversation, but he seemed to brush off each question as though they were conquered and he didn't have to talk about them anymore. My replies were specific and I remember feeling peace as I answered them, that I had overcome specific portions of the addiction and was on the right path. I remember worrying that he was sober, but not recovered and worried that I would not be the same way. The dream ended with me telling him: "I have a rule, that no matter who it is I will marry in the future, before we get married, I will tell her about my addiction. If I don't, then I am not being honest with her." I remember seeing my brother's face in shock and concern for his own situation, then the dream closed.
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The second dream was much shorter. In this dream, I was older, but still with my brother. This one took place in my girlfriend's grandparents' home. Apparently, the entire family new of my addiction and it was decided by my girlfriend's grandmother and myself that my brother and I go for a drive with her grandfather. He asked us where we should go. I replied, "Anywhere at least 15 minutes away where we can talk." He drove us to a place in front of a retirement trailer park and told us the importance of being clean. He referred to talks by general authorities of the church and explained that it was one of the biggest problems we had in society today. Again, I felt peace thinking about what he said and my responses were true and with conviction. The conversation ended and the youth from the ward came to the car and started to talk with us. I remember that they had a lot of respect for me and loved me. Then this dream closed.
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The third dream was a little different. I was in the military with two others who were my friends (nobody I knew in real life). Apparently, we had received information that somehow we already knew a little of the future of our Recruiting Sergeant. We knew that he was a harsh leader, but fair and demanding and otherwise a really nice guy. It was our responsibility to join his platoon and watch out for him since we knew he was going to die soon from a heart attack, right before giving out cookies (this is important later). I therefore joined up and was somehow a higher rank than others as I had some privileges the other soldiers did not and I always was first in line.
The Sergeant regularly inspected our packs and organization skills. The dream ran through three or four of these in a row. I was eventually caught stashing some extra snack food in my pack, but he only had me throw it out and no more. He explained that if I was to be in charge of a group of soldiers I had to set the example.
The time eventually came that he started showing signs of the heart attack. I ran and grabbed the other guys who knew it was going to happen and we joined our Sergeant in a supply room. We asked him what we should do. He told us to go ahead and take our share of the fresh chocolate chip cookies from the table on the other side of the room. We thought it strange this was his request when he told us one more piece of instruction: we were allowed to take as many cookies as we wanted so long as we had issues we had to overcome and stated what they were. We were to have anyone who took them do the same. However, we were not allowed to eat them, we had to give them to someone else. I immediately picked one up and said, "Well, I can take one right now. I have flat feet." I took a cookie and gave it to my Sergeant. He smiled exhaustively. Immediately, I thought of other issues I had, especially concerning my addictions and how many cookies I should take and give away. I felt a great peace once again. This is where the third dream ended.
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I have thoughts as to these dreams. I am not so sure that they are inspired, but I do not think that they are uninspired either. The feelings of peace and concern for others buoyed me up to work harder but also gave me thoughts that perhaps I am doing better than I thought. The first thoughts I had after awaking from this dream were (1) that I should not worry about the addiction and trust The Lord and (2) that I should immediately write these dreams down -- specifically on this blog -- before I forget them. I really like the cookie idea. I might like to do that activity someday.
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