17 Jul 2013, 11:09 PM
I have been sober for four days now. It feels really nice to be able to start thinking clearly and acting normally. It is about this point I start being in a good mood regularly.
I have finished writing the very first version of my history. It is rather thorough, as anyone who read the previous post has seen. It was difficult to write only because it is embarrassing to consider my past. It is not so much the content as the concept. I told Stephanie that publishing it was necessary for me because it was a private sin. I needed to get it out in the open and step out into the world. So, there it is world. . .it is there for the reading. I'm not going to go around advertising it, but it is worth mentioning that it has been done.
I am not looking forward to Day 5 without any trepidation, but I am less worried about this one as compared to others. I feel like I have made some major progress, but this is the point where I have to begin relying on the Lord to help get me through. I will not be able to stay clean on my own merits.
Tonight and tomorrow I will begin showing some of the main symptoms of withdrawal. First: the itching. Yes, part of the healing process involves itching. Anyone who has been through this understands. They would also understand the importance of not scratching the itch. This is playing with fire. I've often said that if a person can withstand scratching an itch, they can withstand any temptation.
The next symptom I have to watch out for is an insatiable appetite for sweet stuff. For some reason, I end up craving all sorts of candies, chocolate, ice cream, etc. during this time. It is yet another urge, I must resist.
Next is the laziness. So long as I keep busy, I will be safe.
Finally: the never-ending thoughts. I will be thinking about it all day long. So long as I can keep my mind otherwise occupied, I will be able to avoid any sticky situations or opportunities.
I look forward to putting another bead in the jar tomorrow!
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